I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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