All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
