im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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