At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
