i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
