if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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