Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
