rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Found the puke drawer
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
