I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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