so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
