I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
