i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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