someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
