but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize