I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize