dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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