well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
