dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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