I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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