i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
