you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
