If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
