i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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