mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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