cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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