There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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