Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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