I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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