He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
