singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
