Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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