let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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