hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
