dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
