im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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