Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
