New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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