you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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