the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
