There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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