well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
