you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
