you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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