i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
