I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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