I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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