you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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