just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I need water and some morals
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
