It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
