There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
