just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
