A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
