Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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