Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
