Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
