I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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