If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
