the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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