So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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