OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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