I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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