"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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