I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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