There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Pants are for mortals
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
