just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
