Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
