Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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