i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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