You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
