i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
