I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's never too late to be topless.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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