I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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