left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
