Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
