dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
