That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
